Picture Perfect
by Random Storygirl
Summary: Begins with a harmless photography contest, which leads to a crazy date, which leads to a slightly risqué detention, which leads to an embarassing dream, which leads to SWEET REVENGE! Contains innappropriate humor for you immature readers!
1. Caterpillar Hookers

**Author's Note:** This is based on some of the song, "Fearless" by Taylor Swift, which got stuck in my head this week, as well as the fact that Clare joined the photography club in season nine and I also like photography. I also wanted to write this now because this is my last chance to make Eclare all cute before Eli goes completely bonkers. So right now, just pretend that Drop the World did not happen. Because you know you wish that it didn't. I didn't have enough time to think about other stories, so I'm writing this instead.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Degrassi…blahblahblah…I ran out of things that I would do if I did.

**PICTURE PERFECT**

"WATCH OUT! ELI! DON'T STEP THERE!" I screamed.

"What?" Eli answered worriedly, "What's the matter?" He moved his foot backward quickly before stepping down.

"You almost stepped on a caterpillar!" I scolded.

"Gosh, Care. You almost gave me a heart attack. Why is a caterpillar such a big deal?" He let out a deep breath.

"Because I was going to take a picture of it, and I wanted it to be alive instead of oozing guts."

"There are plenty of caterpillars in the world, Clare. But you sounded like it would be the end of the world if I stepped on it." He mused.

"It WOULD be the end of IT'S world, now wouldn't it be?" I replied.

"Yeah. Just IMAGINE how heartbroken his multiple caterpillar wives and his thousands of caterpillar babies would be." He cried in mock sorrow.

"Yeah. This caterpillar is a real player," I said sarcastically.

"Well yeah. A bug THAT good-looking probably has TONS of mistresses." He joked.

"Just move," I sighed, patting him on the shoulder, "You're blocking my sunlight," I knelt down on the ground and looked through the lens of my camera. Eli had agreed to (or I guess it was more like he was forced to) drive me to the ruins where we had the secret party in order to take pictures for my photography club. Each member had to take a picture and submit it, and the person with the best picture would win a twenty-five dollar gift card to the Dot. And Eli and I haven't had a real date in a while, so I planned on using it to buy us dinner. I wanted to buy for once instead of us always having an argument and him always winning and paying himself. So here we were, Eli watching as I tried to take pictures of nature. But I guess it was more like trying and failing, considering that I couldn't find the caterpillar again.

"Where'd it go?" I asked, "Heeeeeeeere little caterpillar…Where are you?" I sounded like I was calling to a pet.

"I guess it left…probably to go have some fun with some caterpillar hookers."

"Shut up!" I stood up and smacked him playfully on the arm, "It isn't right to talk about caterpillar sex near where a church once stood," I said, gesturing toward the old, cracked stone walls.

"Goodness, Clare! I didn't say ANYTHING about SEX! I was merely suggesting that the caterpillars were enjoying a good time by playing a board game or watching a movie. No need to think DIRTILY, Saint Clare!"

"Ugh! Why have you and Alli corrupted me?" I questioned.

"I think it's a disease. I was corrupted by my old friends, and now I am spreading it to you. And then YOU will spread it to people younger than you, and it will go on forever and ever."

"Great. So now I'm infected. I feel…dirty."

"That's not always a bad thing…" Eli suggested.

"Shut up! I don't like it!"

"Fine. Now more 'dirty' jokes. Happy?"

"Extremely. Now come over here. There's really good lighting right over there."So I continued to take pictures, and he continued to follow me. Finally, the sun started to set and the trees blocked the light, so I couldn't get any more good pictures. So we decided to stop for the day and head home. We got into Morty and drove off. In the car, I looked through the pictures I took in my camera and tried to decide which one I would submit. Eli tried to help, but he also had to keep his eyes on the road.

"How about this one?" I asked.

"I can't look at it. Describe it to me."

"Okay," I started, squinting my eyes to look at it closer. The car was in a direction where the sun was shining right in our eyes, making it hard to see. I had no idea how he could drive like this, "It's a vine that worked its way through a crack in the stone wall."

"Oh. Don't use that one," he replied immediately.

"Why not? The lighting is perfect, and it has great contrast…"

"I know, but…"

"But what?"

He sighed, "Just…don't use it, okay?"

"Tell me why!"

"You don't want to know."

"Yes I do!"

"Fine…that picture may be a bit…suggestive…"

"What do you mean?"

"Well the vine, could represent a certain part of the male body, while the hole could represent…" My face lit up with realization.

"Ew, Eli! Gross!" I exclaimed.

"You wanted to know!" he protested.

"Yeah, but…gosh!"

"But now that I told you, don't you see it, too?"

I looked at the photo before answering, "Unfortunately, yes."

"So other people might see it that way, too. And do you really want to submit a photograph with THAT kind of symbolism in it?"

"No…" I mumbled.

"Good. So aren't you glad that I said that now?"

"I guess…"

"Okay, now tell me about some others. There has GOT to be a winner in those dozens of pictures," So I looked through the pictures and described the good ones to him, but we found a problem with each one (not THAT kind of problem, but more like lighting, blurriness, or focal point problems).

"This is hopeless!" I complained, "I'll never get that gift card!"

"It's not hopeless. We can always go to the park tomorrow and take pictures there."

"Yeah, but I'm going to have a lot of homework tomorrow. I'll have no time during the daylight to do it."

"Then, just use one of the ones you just took. Use the one with the vine. It isn't all that suggestive. I just have a sick mind."

"But I saw it, too!"

"Only when I pointed it out!"

"Yeah, but I still saw it!"

"Well, don't point it out to them!"

"Fine…I guess it could work."

"Good. Because the lighting IS perfect."

"Oh, what do you know about photography?"

"Enough to know a good picture when I see one."

"I guess so."

"So that means that we have to plan our date for when you win that gift card."

"What makes you think I'm using the card to take you on a date?"

"Because I helped you take the winning photo."

"Alright…I GUESS I could take you, but YOU have to tell Adam that he won't be getting his double bacon cheeseburger with cheese and a large fries."

"I think he'll live without it,"

"I don't know…last time I promised Adam food that he didn't get, he was pretty moody,"

"Yeah, well I know how to handle hungry Adam."

"Good…Hey! Let's turn on some music!" I smiled and reached for the radio

"Wait! Don't…" Eli cautioned. But I already pushed the button, and a screamo song began to play at full blast…during the screaming part.

"Ow!" I cried, covering my ears. Eli turned the knob on the volume to the left, and it got quieter, "Goodness, Eli! How can you handle that insanely loud screaming in your ears?"

"The same way you can handle Taylor Swift whining loudly in your ears about her exes."I glared at him, but then I realized that he was partially correct and softened up.

"Okay, but I don't rip on Deadhand, so don't be mean to Taylor Swift."

"You don't rip on Deadhand because it's a great band."

"The vocalist is pitchy,"

"He does it on purpose! It makes him sound more…sincere."

"It makes him sound like he can't sing."

"He can TOO sing!"

"Then tell him to start doing it!"

"Alright, Clare, let's just stop putting down musicians and listen to the music,"

"Fine," So we sat there in silence (besides the music) for a few minutes. I looked out the window and watched the blur of trees and cars flying by. Then I looked back at Eli. His window was open, which made his hair blow around in the wind. His right hand was tapping the beat of the song on the steering wheel, while his left hand rested on the bottom of the opening in the window. The setting sun reflected off of his large black ring, making it shine brightly. And his green eyes were pointed toward the road, but they were glazed over, as if he were daydreaming. And without even thinking about it, I picked up my camera, pointed it at him, and took a picture. There was no flash, so he didn't even notice. And then I just sat back in my seat, and looked out the window again, humming to the radio.

**Author's Note:** I want to go to bed soon, but I'm not finished yet. So I'll just post this, and write the second part tomorrow as Chapter 2. And that will be the end. This story…I actually kind of like it, so I hope that you did, too. I kind of like dirty-minded Eli. And Clare acted just like I do, angry about being corrupted (curse my friends). Anyway, review if you would like to. It would make me happy! :-D


	2. The Contest Result

**Author's Note: **Guess what? I have almost no homework tonight, which rocks my socks off, so I'm gonna write the second part right now! I was so happy that some people liked the first part, and it was really fun to write, so thank you for reviewing and stuff! Unfortunately, I feel like this part will be a little worse than the first part, but I guess I'll just have to see where this goes. Gosh…it's so sunny today. I feel like singing. But I guess I'll just type stuff instead…By the way, a row of smiley faces (unless they don't show up like last time I tried) means a new…scene, I guess?

**Disclaimer:** This is starting to get annoying, but I think I have to write this…I DON'T OWN DEGRASSI! If I did…Craig would perform at the school dance, Jenna would find her other star earring, and Eli would dye his maroon scarf black.

**PICTURE PERFECT (PART TWO)**

The next morning before school started, I let Alli look through the pictures I took the day before on my camera and told her to choose the one that she liked best.

"Let's see here…," she started, searching for her favorite, "How about this one?" She held the camera up to me. It was the picture of the vine.

"That's the one Eli picked," I informed her, "But there are a few more after that one that you should look at, too." So she continued to skim through the photographs until she seemed to come across one that she really loved.

"Yes! THIS one!" She held the camera up to me. I expected it to be the picture of the caterpillar (which I did end up finding on a tree branch a few feet away from where I saw it first, because Eli decided to pick it up and put it there while I wasn't looking), but that was not the case. Instead, it was the picture that I took of Elli when I wasn't looking.

"Oh…that? It was just a random picture."

"And a GREAT one at that. Look at it! The sunset is beautiful in the background, and the cool light thing going on with that ring, and you can see that his hair was blowing around in the wind and he looks so relaxed, except his eyes tell you that he is deep in thought. It has that thing…that Chantay was talking about at the meeting last week…umm…well…I forget what it was called, but it's when the picture allows you to ask a lot of questions or something. Like right now, I'm wondering, 'Where is he driving to?' and 'What is he thinking about?'…Do you know?"

"He was driving me home…but I don't know what he was thinking about."

"Well…that doesn't really matter, but what DOES matter is that you submit THIS. You'll have a really good shot at winning."

"You think so?"

"Totally. Plus, the fact that Eli is mysterious already adds to the…that word that I was talking about. You know?"

"Yeah,"

"So go print that picture out and bring it to the meeting. Okay?"

"Okay," She turned to walk away to her class, but I stopped her.

"Wait!" I called.

"What?"

"Can I see the picture that you're submitting?"

"Oh…it's…not that good. It's just a lucky shot. I caught a bird on a tree branch up close. But it's no big deal. It doesn't have mystery or anything like yours does."

"But I'll bet its pretty,"

"Yeah. Because crows are so colorful," she said sarcastically, "Anyway, I gotta go,"

"Wait!" I shouted.

"What?"

"Just…thanks for helping,"

"No problem. As long as you buy me a coffee with some of your gift card money," And before I could explain to her about my date, she had already turned and walked away.

So that was the photo I submitted for the contest. And it also happened to be the winning photo. At the meeting the next week, Chantay announced it and everyone clapped for me, and that's when I received the gift card. Alli told me that she knew I would win and Chantay commented that the picture of my new boyfriend was a step up from last year's picture of K.C. and his bike. But I was too busy waiting for the meeting to be over so that I could tell Eli that we would be going on a date on Friday. When the meeting finally DID end, I caught the first bus that I could and it drove me to Eli's. I ran up to his door and rang the bell excitedly. He opened the door with sweatpants and a t-shirt on, and that along with his messy hair told me that he had been taking a nap, which for some reason I found adorable.

"Hey, sleepyhead! Guess what?" I cooed.

"What?" he asked groggily, wiping his eyes.

"We're going on a date,"

"For real?"

"Friday night, baby! Woohoo!" I exclaimed, showing him my gift card.

"You won? No way!"

"Don't act so surprised,"

"So Chantay didn't see the dirty image?"

"I bet HER mind is clean…but…"

"But what?"

"I didn't use that picture."

"Oh. Did you use the caterpillar?"

"No,"

"Then which one?"

"Actually…it was a picture of...you…"

"Me? What pictures do you have of me? I don't remember you taking a picture of me."

"I know…I took it when you weren't looking."

"How? Did you just HAPPEN to be walking past my bedroom window late at night and decide to take pictures of me while I was sleeping or…GETTING CHANGED?" He joked accusingly.

"NO! It was when you were driving me home that day that I took the other picture for photo club."

"Oh. Why did you take a random picture of me?"

"I don't know,"

"Yes you do. Is it because I'm SEXY when I drive?" he questioned smugly.

"You wish,"

"Seriously, tell me why,"

"Okay…it's just because you looked so…perfect…"

"And SEXY!"

"Shut UP! Anyway, you just…in that moment…looked like something I should take a picture of,"

"Wow. Glad to know that I'm SOMETHING," he said sarcastically.

"That's not what I mean!"

"I know. So may I see the winning picture?"

"I guess. I don't know how it won, but…here you go," I took out the picture and handed it to him. He studied it carefully, and then gave it back to me, "So…?" I asked expectantly.

"You're right. I DID look perfect!"

"Eli!"

"Kidding! But seriously, that's a good picture. It has perfect lighting and the background is beautiful, and…I can't describe it, but it makes me feel…strange."

"What do you mean?"

"The look in my eyes. It looks like I'm deep in thought or something. I wonder what I'm thinking about."

"I was going to ask you that."

"Hmmm…maybe…was the radio on?"

"Yeah,"

"What song was playing?"

"I think it was the second screamo song,"

"'New Noise' by Refused?"

"I think I heard the word 'noise' in the song…in between the other weird noises."

"Oh. Then I know what I was thinking about during THAT song."

"What?"

"You REALLY wanna know?"

"YES! Even ALLI wants to know!"

"Oh, well if ALLI wants to know, then of COURSE I'll tell you!" I raised my eyebrows at him, and he continued, "I remember during that song, I was daydreaming,"

"About what?"

"Well, the only thing that I remember imagining COULD have been what I was thinking about then,"

"Which was?"

"Okay…I was imagining that I was the caterpillar we found and you were one of the caterpillar hookers that I paid for that night…"

"OH, GOODNESS ELI!"

"I'm not done! And then you threw yourself at me because I had paid to do certain things with you, but I pushed you away and told you that I just wanted to play a board game, and you left all sad and depressed."

"You are so…"

"Funny? Creative?" His leaned over and his voice dropped down into a sultry whisper, "Dirty?"

"Weird!" I laughed.

"Well, I guess you could say that…"

"Only YOU would start daydreaming about caterpillar hookers!"

"Correction: a caterpillar playing MONOPOLY with a hooker,"

"I'm just…speechless,"

"Good. You talk too much, anyway,"

"ELI!"

"I'm KIDDING!"

"So…are we on for Friday?"

"Let's see…I'll TRY to pencil you in, but I can't make any promises,"

"Why? You can't find time between doing homework and playing video games with Adam?"

"Hey! It's not nice to break plans, even if they aren't very exciting ones,"

"I think you'll get tons of excitement out of blowing up aliens and setting cities on fire,"

"Are you trying to talk me OUT of this?"

"Just…be at my house at seven, okay?"

"Sure. See you tomorrow?"

"I hope," I replied, smiling. He leaned over and gave me a peck on the cheek before heading into his house.

"Have a nice nap!" I told him.

"Will do!" he called over his shoulder before shutting the door. As I walked down the sidewalk to the bus stop, my phone vibrated. It was a text from Adam, which read:

_Heard you won your photo club contest! _

_Awesome! Be sure to save some money _

_on that thing so you can buy me a burger! _

I have a feeling that my date on Friday will end up coming out of my allowance.

The next morning, Alli ran up to me.

"Hey, Clare! Did you find out what Eli was thinking about?" I nodded, "What was it?"

"You probably don't wanna know…"

**Author's Note: **Yeah, not as good as the first part, but I'm still proud of it. Oh well. I made Eli dirty again, because it's actually really fun. And so are caterpillars and naps. Haha…I had to look up the name of a screamo song. So now this story is over, unless someone tells me to add a sequel. I could always write a story about their date…Anyway, review if I deserve your time and stuff and…yeah…bye bye! 3


	3. The Word Game

**Author's Note: **I gots very little homework again tonight (just a poem to write), and I saw that some people really liked this story. Like, two people told me to write a "sequal". I think I'll just write a sequel instead…Anyway, those reviews and stuff made me burst with joy. So muchas gracias or something! I'm not exactly sure what this will be about, so I'll just start making it up as I go, and see if it turns out okay. It will probably still have dirty Eli…because it's still so much fun to make him like that. By the way, this story is in no way based off of "Fearless" anymore. It was just the end of the first part that was inspired by the song, when she took a picture of him in the car. :-D

**Disclaimer: **In case you are too slow to realize this, I am NOT Stephen Stohn OR Linda Schyuler, and therefore I do NOT own Degrassi. Just wanted to make it perfectly clear.

**PICTURE PERFECT (PART THREE)**

Friday night was finally here. After a hectic week of schoolwork, it was so great to have a nice dinner at the Dot with Eli to look forward to. A dinner that I would have the satisfaction of paying for. Luckily, Adam didn't take his request for a burger seriously, and Alli's coffee was only a small, so I still had enough money for both Eli and I to get our favorites. So I when got home, I took a nap for three hours, and it left me an hour to get ready. After a few minutes of thinking, I decided to wear a blue cotton dress because Alli said that it made my eyes pop. I wore white sandals and a white shrug with it, and topped it off by putting a white bow in my hair. Then I fixed my makeup and watched TV until Eli came. But first, I got a call from Adam.

"Hey Adam!" I answered.

"Hey Clare. Eli cancelled video games tonight. I'm guessing that means its date night for you two."

"A little," I shrugged.

"So, what'll it be? You guys gonna see a horror movie? Go clubbin'? Or will you be spending some time at the HOTEL ELI?"

"Shut up, Adam. We're having dinner at the Dot,"

"Wow. You two sure know how to have a wild night on the town. Woohoo,"

"I'm sure we'll have LOTS of fun without blood, partying, and arousal."

"Hey. I didn't say anything about arousals!"

"Don't be like Eli. You know what you meant,"

"Gosh, Clare. Chill out. Just joking. Now don't have too much fun with Eli without me!"

"NOW I'll make sure to have EXTRA fun,"

"Hey!"

"Okay, Bye Adam,"

"Bye," he huffed, and then hung up.

A few minutes later, Eli pulled up in Morty. I opened the door and skipped down the sidewalk, feeling giddy like a schoolgirl.

"Someone's happy to see me," he commented, chuckling.

"Correction: I'm happy because I'm starving and YOU'RE my ride to the restaurant,"

"Well in that case, Morty and I will be going…"

"I'm kidding! I'm VERY happy to see you,"

"And I you. You ready to go?"

"As soon as you are," So we locked arms and got into the car.

When we got to the Dot, we took a table for two by the window. A waiter that I didn't know came over and immediately asked us what drinks we wanted. I ordered an iced tea, and Eli ordered a Dr. Pepper.

"Okay, so guess what?" I asked

"What?"

"I had a weird dream last night,"

"Okay…before you continue, I have to ask…were there any naked people in it?"

"EW! NO!"

"Sorry. Just had to make sure it wasn't one of THOSE dreams,"

"No Eli, I don't have those kinds of dreams,"

"Really? You would think, after being around ME these past few months, you would start to get those feelings…"

"Gosh, you're so full of yourself,"

"Well, when you have THIS body, you have a right to be!" He laughed, "Now tell me about the dream,"

"Okay…" I started, "This might be REALLY weird, but in my dream, I was a caterpillar…"

"Oh, THIS should be good…"

"AND I was playing Trivia Pursuit with another caterpillar…I THINK it was you…and I was asked what the moon was made of…and I said space rock…but you said that I was wrong and that it was made of cheese. That makes sense, considering that I had a science quiz yesterday,"

"What? No hookers? That's no fun…"

"None. Because, unlike you, I DON'T have a dirty mind,"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah,"

"Prove it,"

"How?"

"Hmmm…" he thought, "Oh! I know. I'll say a word, and you HONESTLY have to say the first word that comes to your head,"

"Sure," I crossed my arms, ready for anything that he was about to throw at me.

"Cat,"

"Dog," I replied.

"Library,"

"Book,"

"ORAL,"

"…" My eyes widened.

"Tell me the first word that pops into your head," Eli smiled slyly.

"Ummm…" I blushed, "A toothbrush,"

"Clare…tell me the truth…"

"I am,"

"You're a TERRIBLE liar,"

"I'm not lying!" I protested, my cheeks getting redder.

"Clare…" he raised his eyebrows.

I sighed before whispering, "…sex…"

"I'm sorry, what was that? I couldn't hear you."

"Sex…" I forced myself to whisper a bit louder.

"Come on. At least use your inside voice," he urged.

"Sex," I repeated at a normal volume.

"Good. Now SCREAM IT TO THE WORLD!"

"SE- Wait…NO!" Eli laughed loudly.

"You almost shouted it," he teased.

"Shut up! You made me!"

"See? This proves it! I gave you your dirty mind, and now you're stuck with it,"

"Stop rubbing it in!" I whined.

"Come on, just accept it. Saint Clare is simply no longer innocent,"

"No!" I closed my eyes tightly and shook my head from side to side, trying to shake the thoughts out of my head. It didn't work, not that I thought it would.

"Come on…join the dark side…we have cookies!"

"Stop bribing me!"

"Fine. Go ahead and live in your own little world. But that's not going to change MY dirty thoughts, and I'm will not refrain from sharing them with you."

"I'd be shocked if you didn't."

Then, our drinks came, and we ordered our food. I asked for the Cesar salad with fat-free ranch dressing and Eli ordered a cheeseburger with fries. The food came a few minutes later.

"It's a little warm in here," I commented, taking off my shrug.

"You little minx!" Eli accused.

"What?"

"That's a SLEEVELESS dress! So SCANDALOUS! You're a DIRTY girl!"

"I've worn sleeveless dresses before!"

"Not for other men, I hope," I looked at him funny, "Joking! Besides…," he whispered seductively, "I LIKE dirty Clare," I couldn't stop a shiver from running down my spine or his tone from enticing me. But I quickly snapped myself out of it.

"There IS no dirty Clare. Now eat your burger," He smirked, knowing that his voice affected me, before picking up his food.

I tried eating, but Eli started making funny faces. So I tried to avoid looking at him, but whenever I accidentally did see him, his faces got funnier and funnier until I couldn't stop myself from laughing.

"Wow, Eli. You're so immature!" I giggled.

"Sure, but isn't it fun?"

"…yeah," I admitted.

Then the waiter walked over to us and asked, "Excuse me, but some of our other customers have been complaining about the noise coming from this table. So could you please keep it down? Or else I may have to ask you to leave…"

"Will do, sir," Eli replied. The waiter left our table, and when we were sure that he couldn't hear us, we burst out laughing.

"Nice job, Eli!" I scolded him, playfully hitting him on the head.

"Hey! I'm not the one who yelled 'sex' to the whole restaurant!"

"I didn't!"

"You ALMOST did! You know, there are children here, and you aren't being a very good role model,"

"Really? The guy who is immature enough to make silly faces in public is lecturing me on being a role model?"

"Okay, I think we're both at fault here. So let's just eat quietly, leave, and talk as loudly as we want outside,"

"Fine," So we finished our meals and I paid for the meal with my gift card, and we got outside.

"Hey, can I take a picture of that last face you made? Because that was hilarious,"

"Anything for you, my little caterpillar hooker,"

"Shut up!" I pointed my camera at him while he made the face, and I took a picture, "Great, now one of the two of us,"

"ANOTHER one?"

"Come on, it's not so hard,"

"That's what she said,"

"SHUT UP!" I said angrily, then putting a smile on my face before taking the picture, "Perfect,"

"Well duh! That picture has ME in it!"

"is it just me, or is your ego bigger than normal today?"

"It's possible," he shrugged.

"Well that date was…interesting," I commented.

"Yeah…nothing like our first date…unless you want to go get some tattoos before we go home,"

"Eh…not in the mood for excruciating pain right now…maybe next time,"

"Good,"

"You REALLY want a tattoo?"

"Not that much. But what's good is that there will BE a next time. Because THAT was a disaster,"

"True…but it was a FUN disaster,"

"You know what would make this disaster more fun?"

"What?"

"Let's…play another game,"

"Okay…how about this time, I say the word and YOU tell me the first thing that you think of,"

"Sure. Go,"

"Peanut butter,"

"Jelly,"

"Pencil,"

"Paper,"

"EGG,"

"Chicken,"

"You sure?"

"What do you mean?"

"Was that REALLY your FIRST thought?" I interrogated.

"Yes,"

"Are you sure it wasn't SPERM?"

Eli laughed, "Nope, Clare. Guess my mind isn't as DIRTY as yours,"

"UGH!" And that's when I realized that there was no avoiding the dark side. So I gave up and whispered lowly, "Guess it isn't. But I can change that, if you'd like," I tugged him toward me by the collar of his shirt and kissed him fervently, pulling back a few seconds later.

"You little MINX!" he exclaimed, shocked, and I giggled mischievously before kissing him again.

**Author's Note: **I just felt like ending it there.I just HAD to add caterpillars again. It wouldn't feel right without them. So yeah…Eli is dirty and Clare is a minx, and Adam thinks that they do BAD things when they don't. Haha….they almost got thrown out of the restaurant...that would totally happen to me, too. Review if you're dirty enough that "sex" was the first thing that came to mind when Eli said "oral". Guess that means I have to review my own story…That story was a bit TOO dirty for someone like me to write, but oh well. Guess I've joined the dark side. At least it has cookies…and ELI. :-D


	4. The Special Sauce

**Author's Note: **I am so happy that I feel like I live "in a land where everyone is a pony. And they all eat rainbows and poop butterflies!" (I will literally send you a message saying that you are a genius with great movie taste if you know what movie that is from and who said it.)Why? 1.) I got all A+ on my report card (except for a regular A in math because I suck at it). 2.) Today was the last day of school before spring break. 3.) A bunch of awesome people reviewed Chapter 3 yesterday, and some of them told me to continue this story. I wasn't going to because I ran out of ideas, but I came up with a glimmer of hope in school. So here is that idea, which I know how to begin, but have no idea how to end. WARNING: Will also contain dirtiness. If you're innocent…Who am I kidding? If you were innocent, you would have stopped reading a few paragraphs into chapter one, unless you saw the warning in the summary, which would mean that you would have never started this story. So congratulations, all of you reading this right now. I give you my official Stamp of Corruption. Feel free to brag about it to all your friends and make them uncomfortable if you wish to…Wow. I sound like I'm on crack right now…That's right! Because I am! Just Kidding! But seriously…Don't tell my mom! ;-D This is the longest Author's Note I have ever written." You guys make me so distracted. Probably because you're so beautiful." (And if you know where that's from, I will message you saying that you have good taste in Youtube comedy.)SQUIRREL! Okay. I will stop now.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Degrassi. If I did, I would screw it up even more than it already is. If you don't believe me, just look up^^^. Yeah. Do you want THAT running Degrassi? Didn't think so.

**PICTURE PERFECT (PART FOUR)**

It was Monday morning and I walked into English with Eli, holding his hand.

"Aw…the lovebirds…" Adam teased from his desk, "You're so lovey-dovey that it makes me sick,"

"Oh…Adam…" I teased back, "You're so cynical that it makes me nauseous,"

"You know what else is nauseating?" Adam asked, "That SMELL coming from the cafeteria. I can't tell if they're storing garbage or dead bodies in there. It smells like…never mind,"

"What does I smell like?" I asked.

"You don't wanna know…"

"Well at LEAST tell me!" Eli urged him, "I can handle disgusting," So Adam whispered in Eli's ear, and Eli burst out laughing, "Really?"

"Yeah," Adam answered, nodding.

"What does it smell like?" I asked impatiently.

"Adam! You can tell Clare! She just recently joined the dark side…" Eli commented mischievously.

"Really? No way!"

"Yeah. I bribed her with cookies. But when I said that I was on the dark side she just HAD to say yes,"

"That's not what happened!" I protested, "Call it what you want, but I decided to not be embarrassed about sexual thoughts and to become comfortable with people talking about it around me,"

"Whoa! Clare! We were talking about Star Wars!" Adam exclaimed.

"Alright, Adam. I think she's had enough of that these past few days. Just tell her what it smelled like,"

"And you're SURE she won't slap me like last time I said something like this?"

"Yeah…she might even LAUGH!"

"Nice… so it smelled like cum and desperation," Adam whispered.

"Ew! Gross, Adam!"

"Hey! You said you joined the dark side! I was even gonna bake you a batch of cookies!"

"Just because I'm on the dark side doesn't mean that I'm gonna laugh at immature jokes like that!"

"Well that just completely takes the fun out of this! Maturity is so overrated,"

"And now, I'll be packing lunch,"

"Or you could buy the garbage with the SPECIAL white sauce," Eli suggested.

"Ugh! No! That's disgusting!"

"I bet you'll like it!"

"I WON'T eat food with SEMEN!" I argued.

"Clare?" I heard a voice behind me. I turned around slowly, only to find myself face-to-face with Miss Dawes, "I never expected something like THAT to escape your lips. Unfortunately, you just earned yourself a detention," I sighed and leaned backward in my seat, trying to hide my embarrassment while Miss Dawes walked to her desk.

"Miss Dawes?" Eli spoke up.

'Yes?"

"I was the one who suggested that she should eat that," I tapped him on the shoulder and gave him a "What the heck are you doing?" look, but he ignored it.

"Well, I wasn't there to hear it, so I have no proof. But you're welcome to join Clare after school if you'd like,"

"Thank you, Miss Dawes!" Eli smiled.

Miss Dawes looked at Eli like he had two heads, sighed, and then muttered, "Teenagers," under her breath before she began typing on her computer.

I poked Eli from behind so he turned around and said, "What?"

"Why did you do that?"

"I can't leave you alone in detention. With your dirty mind, I have no idea what you'll do to the people there,"

"You're never gonna let that moment just then go, are you?" I asked quizzically.

"You know me so well," he smirked, and then turned around just as Miss Dawes began her lesson.

**Author's Note: **Yeah, I know. This part is short and suckish. But don't fret; this will not be the end of the story. I plan to end it on a high note, which means the (next) last part will be the best that I can make it. I SWEAR with all my heart that it will be the best part yet and longer than this one, because detention is ALWAYS a fun time. Yeah…so Clare got detention instead of cookies…so much for joining the dark side… I'm just too tired to write well, so I apologize once again for creating this mess. :D


	5. Detention

**Author's Note: **Yeah. Are you mad at me? Because I was updating every day, but I was too lazy yesterday to type so I didn't. I hope you aren't angry. Because I CANNOT deal with angry people. No. Just kidding. It's okay if you're angry. It's okay if you don't care. It's okay if you don't even read these author's notes. But then why would you be reading that last sentence there? Whoa! Mind trick…not really. Anyway, I swear this chapter, which will most likely be the final one, will be the best one yet. And it will probably be dirty, but judging from the reviews; it seems that you all like it best that way. Things got a little off track, but I'll try to bring everything (the caterpillars, pictures, game, etc.) all together in this chapter. This will probably be the longest chapter…maybe I'll post it in two parts if it gets too long. Once again, this will probably be writing on crack again because I have no idea how this will end. All I really have is the setting. Anyway…the movie was "Horton Hears A Who", which I actually have never seen entirely. I just still remember that line from the commercial. And the Youtube comedian was Destery (username is desandnate). The videos on this channel are very funny (but also very dirty…and curse-y) and I suggest IDEK 9 ½. I think that's the funniest one. Wow. I feel like an advertiser, but I swear no one is paying me to do this…So I'll just stop rambling and start the end of the story. Wait…oh! Now I know EXACTLY where this story is going. Hehehe…

**Disclaimer: **See chapters 1-4. I'm tired of writing it over and over for the same story.

**PICTURE PERFECT (PART FIVE) **

I was still having trouble wrapping my mind around it as I walked into the room. I, "Saint" Clare, had gotten a DETENTION. Not for a simple rule violation like being a minute late to class because I tripped and dropped my books or for not handing in a signed paper on time, but for using foul language during class. I could just imagine trying to explain it to my mother later that day. I just could not believe that I was turning into such a…delinquent. I was nervous being in that room with a bunch of thugs and stoners, but luckily, Eli was also sitting at a desk near the front when I came in. He patted the top of the desk next to him and I sat down next to him, smiling as big as someone in detention could. Miss Dawes wasn't in the room yet, so I was allowed to talk to him.

"Our first detention together…" Eli commented, "Such an important milestone. You do realize that THESE are the kinds of stories that I'll be telling our grandkids?"

"If you say ONE word about this to ANYONE, especially our GRANDKIDS, I will personally force you to eat a sandwich with SPECIAL sauce," I muttered, my happy mood gone.

"Relax, Clare. I won't go around telling people about your little…outburst…as long as you promise to hang out with me tomorrow…that is…if your parents don't ground you for life after hearing about your detention,"

"Eh…if they do ground me, I'll find a way to see you,"

Eli gasped and feigned shock, "Clare! I think you've gone too far! If you keep misbehaving like this, I may have to punish you!"

"And how will you do that?" I challenged him.

"I'll just…tell everyone about your outburst," he suggested.

"I'll make you eat that sandwich,"

"I…am not gonna play this game. I don't wanna hurt your feelings,"

"I would NEVER force you to eat something gross,"

"And I would NEVER allow my children to even THINK about doing things that would cause them to have children,"

"Wow. You're gonna be an overprotective father?"

"The kids will live in a bubble. I can't have them running around all over the place! The ground is too hard. I can't have them falling on THAT!" he joked.

"If you could do it as a kid, then so can they. Plus, if you did THAT, I would let them out and they would like ME more,"

"Well of COURSE they'll love you more…You have more loveable qualities,"

"I'm sure they'll love your sarcasm and intellect just as much,"

"And they'll LOVE hearing Deadhand music blasting through the speakers of my hearse every time I take them for a drive," he said sarcastically.

"They'll love that because they love being with you…You think I drive to school in your car to listen to men screaming and moaning loudly with a wailing guitar and a beat?"

"I bet it turns you on…" he smirked.

"Shut up," I sighed. Then Miss Dawes came in, and we had to be silent. She watched us for a few minutes, but then went to her computer and began typing. I saw Eli take out a piece of notebook paper. He wrote on it and then passed it to me, so I read it.

_Wanna hear a joke?_

I wrote back.

_Sure. _

_ Okay, so guess what the elephant said when he saw the naked man?_

_ Oh no. This is inappropriate, isn't it?_

_ Maybe…just guess. _

_ Ummm…give me some peanuts? _

_ That's not even funny. That was a horrible guess. _

_ Wow…thanks. Just tell me the answer. _

_ Okay…the elephant said, "How do you breathe out of that thing?" _

I sat there, confused for a few seconds, but then I suddenly got it and laughed silently. I replied.

_Nice one. _

_ Yes! You laughed at a dirty joke! That means that you HAVE joined the dark side! _

_ I'll be expecting cookies tomorrow. _

_ What's your favorite kind?_

_ Chocolate chip. _

_ Okay. I'll be sure to make them for tomorrow. _

_ Nice. _

_You know what?_

_ What?_

_ You look so SEXY in that dress right now. _

I looked down at my dress, which was a tad shorter than usual, and then back at him, and blushed with my eyes wide with shock, while he was doodling on a piece of his desk like he hadn't said anything. And then…well…ever since I had joined the dark side, I had let myself think about…CERTAIN things. And this has led me to getting…CERTAIN feelings…longings about CERTAIN people. So when he said that, I felt…a certain way. And it was very uncomfortable. But I won't explain anymore. So I quickly wrote back.

_You shouldn't be talking about that in school. _

_ These are AFTER school hours. I can write whatever I want. _

_ Yeah, but…please stop. _

_ Why? Am I making you hot? _

_ You wish. _Total lie.

Then, Miss Dawes got up from her chair.

"I have to go to a meeting. It will take about a half hour. So stay here until I get back. Alright?" Everyone groaned in response, and she walked out the door.

_You wanna leave? _

_ Like, ditch detention? Isn't that a double offense or something? _

_ Possibly. _

_ What if we get caught? I don't wanna get in trouble. _

_ You're already in trouble. _

_ True…_

_ So? _

_ …Okay. _

Eli got up and held out his hand. I took it and he pulled me out of my desk, through the door, and down the hallway.

"Where are we going?" I asked as he walked with me in tow.

"The Boiler Room,"

"Isn't that where people…DO things?"

"Maybe. Isn't that where Alli's boyfriend cheated on her?"

"Yeah…so are you saying that you want…US…to do things?"

"I mean, it WOULD be kind of hot…" I smacked him on the shoulder, which I have been doing a lot lately, "BUT I know that if we did something like that in there, we would both regret it. So relax," So we continued down the hall until we made it to the door, which he opened, and then pulled me inside. And within a second, I was up against a wall, and Eli's hands were on the wall on either side of me and his face was a few inches from mine.

"But now that we're in here…alone…is there some OTHER thing that you wanna do?" he breathed. And then I got that same feeling again, only stronger. My heart fluttered and my breathing became erratic and I probably looked like a deer caught in headlights. I avoided his gaze in fear that I would…do something that I would regret.

"Yeah," I whispered, my voice shaking, "Let's…talk," I slid down the wall and sat on the ground.

"Talk?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah," I replied nervously, patting the floor next to me, "Let's have a nice, long chat,"

He shrugged, and then said, "Okay," and sat down next to me. Just then, Eli's phone rang, "It's Adam," he informed me, "Do you mind if I…"

"Go ahead," I allowed, thankful for a minute to catch my breath, "But put it on speaker,"

"Okay," He pressed a few buttons on his phone, and Adam's voice sounded.

"Hey Eli," Adam greeted, "I wasn't sure if detention was over or not, but I just wanted to tell you that I defeated the third boss in Invaders III,"

"Sweet, man! You gotta show me how you did that!"

"It's easy. Once you learn the trick, it's just a matter of how fast you can press the 'Shoot' button,"

"I KNEW you'd figure it out,"

"Yeah…so how was Detention?"

"Still going on. But Miss Dawes left the room for a meeting, so Clare and I headed down to the Boiler Room,"

"The Boiler Room? My brother cheated on Alli with Bianca there! What are YOU guys doing in there? Certainly not sex, since Clare is a total…"

"Ahem!" both Eli and I interrupted.

"Oh. Is Clare there?"

"Yeah!" I answered. I could hear the sound of his hand hitting his forehead.

"I was GOING to say that you're a total-ly faithful girl…to your religion or whatever," Adam tried to reassure me.

"No, it's fine. Everyone knows I'm a prude,"

"Actually, that is quite the opposite. In fact, after our date at the Dot on Friday, she let me sex her up," Eli protested.

"Haha…nice Eli. Did you have her screaming your name and begging you for more?" Adam questioned jokingly.

"Hell yeah!" Eli shouted. They both laughed while I hugged my knees in blushed. Boys will be boys… "Not really, but Clare is becoming quite corrupted. You know, her mind is even dirtier than mine,"

"Whoa, Clare. That is hardcore! You have NO idea what perverted stuff goes on up there,"

"Yes…it is unfortunately true," I said, blushing.

"It's okay," Eli said, putting his arm around my shoulder, "We still love you, saintly or dirty," I shifted uncomfortably, feeling my heart beat a little faster. Eli noticed and let go of me.

"By the way, I never got to see that winning picture of yours, Clare," Adam commented.

"Right…well it's on my camera, and I can bring it to school and show it to you tomorrow. But it's of Eli in a car at sunset, and it looks like he's thinking,"

"What was on his mind?"

"Lunch in the cafeteria…the earthquake in Japan…the meaning of life…caterpillar hookers," Eli listed nonchalantly.

"I'm sorry, but WHAT?" Adam asked. Eli and I both laughed.

"Never mind," I answered.

"Alright, well I have to go because my mom is calling me. But I'll talk to you guys tomorrow. Bye!"

"Bye!" Eli and I shouted at the same time. Eli hung up the phone.

"Hey…wanna play that game again?" I asked.

"Well, of course. It's not like we have anything better to do…" he mumbled. I ignored his tone and began.

"Cell,"

"Phone,"

"Thunder,"

"Lightning,"

"ERECT,"

"Penis," I gasped at what he said, then laughed because I got him that time.

"And THAT'S how you play that game honestly," he concluded.

"I can play fair!"

"Prove it,"

"Go ahead. Start,"

"Sun,"

"Moon,"

"Pencil,"

"Paper,"

"…Hearse,"

"…Eli,"

"Yes?"

"No, that's what I thought of. I thought of you!" I smiled.

"I thought that you were gonna say 'death' or 'funeral' or even 'Morty'. But me?"

"Well…you are on my mind a lot…"

"Oh, Am I?" He leaned towards me a little, and I leaned backward a lot. So much that I fell on my back. So I decided to stand, and Eli got up with me, "Okay, do I smell or something?"

"What?"

"Does it seem like I forgot to take a shower, or put on deodorant?" he asked.

"No…You smell fine…Why?" I questioned.

"Because it seems like you don't wanna touch me at ALL. Like I repulse you,"

"NO! That's not true!"

"Then why do I feel like you're disgusted by me?"

"But I'm not!" He looked at me expectantly. I sighed, and then decided to tell him what's on my mind, "Okay…so ever since I 'joined the dark side', I've taken away some of the filter system in my thoughts and…have been allowing myself to think about some dirty things…including some…dirty things…about you. And…it's making me have these feelings and…I don't like them,"

"Okay…but what does that have to do with you not wanting to touch me?"

"Well, my heart and my body really WANT to touch you…A LOT…more than they usually do, and certainly more than they should, but…my mind is afraid,"

"Of?"

"Of letting them have what they want…"

"Why?"

"Because…I feel like if I let them have what they want, they will be content for a while…but then, they will begin to want more….which my mind will eventually allow them to have as well….but then they will only want more…and then the process will go on and on until I end up breaking my vow of abstinence in a matter of weeks. So I thought that maybe if I...stopped touching you, the feelings would go away…But they haven't," I was so embarrassed that I couldn't even look him in the eyes.

"Clare…it's okay…I have these feelings, too. And I'm a guy, so that means that they're multiplied by ten," I laughed, "But ignoring them will not stop them. It's okay to give into your desires a little, as long as you don't get carried away and do something that you will regret…For instance, like cheating on your smart girlfriend with the school slut," he explained, referring to Drew.

"I guess…"

"So is there anything you want to do right now?" he asked, and I could sense a bit of hope in his voice.

"Yes…" And I leaned toward him, but then stopped and let him lean the rest of the way. I controlled myself until his lips ghosted over mine gently, and then threw my arms around his neck and kissed him with full force. I could feel his lips fighting a smirk as he kissed me, soon with as much passion as I was using on him. I brought one of my hands to his head, running my fingers through his hair, while my other hand clutched to a rusty pole behind me, hopefully keeping me grounded while the rest of my body was floating on air. His hands rested on my back, rubbing softly and holding me against him. Then, as I started to feel the urge to rip his jacket off of him, he pulled away. Just as my heart began to slow, he lightly kissed my earlobe and traced a path down my jaw, brushing his lips against my skin. A shiver ran down my spine and then he brought his lips to my neck and kissed it tenderly. I shuddered, leaned back, and grabbed the pipe behind me firmly, afraid that I would explode if he touched me for one more second.

"See? Nothing to be afraid of! Now that wasn't so awful, was it?" he asked, chuckling at my reaction.

"No…that was…"

"Amazing? Wonderful? Breathtaking?"

"Don't forget spine-tingling…"

"Right. How could I forget that? I even felt it coming from you!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a great kisser. Get over yourself,"

"Well how do you expect me to get over it after you compliment me like that?"

"Whatever. Let's just go back to the detention room before Miss Dawes gets back, alright?" I said, wiping the dust from the floor off my dress. Eli just stayed in place, "You coming?"

"I can't,"

"Why not?"

"Well…I don't wanna freak you out, but right now I'm…" he swallowed, looking at his feet, "kinda…hard,"

I stood there, dumbfounded. I looked down a little, and sure enough, there it was. Then I quickly looked away, realizing how perverted it was to look in the first place. He looked up at me, expecting me to say something.

"Umm…Why are you…hard?" I asked nervously.

"Oh. I suddenly got horny looking at the grime on the floor," he said sarcastically, "Clare, you're the reason,"

"So I made this happen?" I said in disbelief.

"Yeah,"

"I got you all excited?" I asked, a smile beginning to form on my face.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a great kisser. Get over yourself," And then I started to giggle. And then I began laughing really hard. Harder than Eli's…never mind. When I calmed down, I saw him glaring at me.

"So…what now?" I asked. He shrugged. I caught my eyes moving to it again. A small part of me was kind of curious and wanted to see what would happen if I poked it. But most of me was screaming in my ears at me to get my butt out of there, "How about I leave the room and go back to detention so you can…calm yourself…or something…and then when you're ready, you'll go back and pretend that you were in the bathroom. Okay?" And before he could protest, I quickly walked out of there. I leaned against a group of lockers and took in what just happened. And that's when I decided that the dark side was officially both a nightmare and a dream. It was exhilarating. Not quite perfect, but I knew that I wouldn't be changing sides anytime soon.

**Author's Note: **Hooray for suckish endings! That's all, folks. Yes, now I'm sure that you're mad at me. Because that wasn't the best chapter yet. I just REALLY hope you laughed at the awkward moment instead of being creeped out by it. So yeah…this story is over…unless someone asks me to continue, but even then, there are no promises, because I'm all out of ideas. Just to let you all know, that is the longest time that I have ever spent on a kiss. Usually, I'm just like, "They kissed," and that's all, but that was an important moment for Clare. YOU CAN'T TAKE THAT AWAY FROM HER! This chapter was a little more serious and a LOT dirtier, but I hope I didn't lose ALL the humor. I tried to mention the stuff that happened in earlier chapters, but it was difficult. The title of this story has lost all its meaning. It's not about pictures anymore because of my twisted mind and YOUR encouragement for me to be twisted. So thanks a lot. I'm just kidding! Thank you for reading and reviewing this story and all. This has been my most liked story yet. Much appreciated, my corrupted little readers. So anyway, y'all excited for the finale? Because I sure am! :-D


	6. The Dream

**Author's Note: **Okay…so yeah. I decided to post another chapter because an idea came to me that would be a much better end to the story than that immensely awkward moment…Plus, it will even have pictures in it, so that will help the title not be irrelevant to the outcome of the story. By the way, I'm pretty high on sugar (Hooray for Easter candy!) so this chapter could be a little…out there. But we'll just see how it goes.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Degrassi. If I did, Morty would still be alive and would run over Chantay.

**PICTURE PERFECT (PART SIX) **

_The bed creaked as I landed on it. Someone, or something had pushed me onto it. I couldn't tell because the room was pitch black. My heart was beating fast in fear and I began breathing heavily. I heard footsteps and felt the presence of a figure looming over me. Suddenly, a flashlight turned on in front of me, illuminating the face of the person standing there. _

_ "Don't be scared, Clare Bear," he murmured, "I won't hurt you," It was Eli. I answered with a weak nod. He dropped the flashlight and lay down next to me on the bed, and then I gasped as he rolled over so that he was hovering over me, his arms supporting his weight. _

_ "What did I say?" he asked, placing a lock of my curly hair behind my ear, "I'm NOT going to hurt you. So relax," _

_ I let out a shaky breath before replying, "Okay. I trust you," _

_ "Good. Now I'm doing this for you. Because I know you'll like it. Alright?" _

_ "Alright," I agreed, feeling a bit less nervous. Eli's face lowered down closer to mine, until his lips were brushing against mine. _

_ "Just tell me when to stop," he breathed before his lips locked with mine. He bent his arms a little, so that our bodies were touching, but there was no weight on me. I began to kiss him back, which caused him to deepen the kiss. After a while, my body began to hunger for more. My hands reached for a button on his shirt. I jerked it open, revealing some of his chest. I continued down the shirt until they were all unbuttoned, and then slowly worked it off of him. My fingers reached for him and lightly brushed them against his skin. _

_ He broke the kiss, "Someone's feeling frisky tonight," he chuckled, and then leaned forward more, "Two can play at that game," he whispered seductively, and then began tugging at the bottom of my shirt. He worked it up to the top of my stomach, and then looked at me, asking for permission. I nodded, and then he took it all the way off. I shivered as the cold night air hit my now bare shoulders. He began staring at me, which made me feel self conscious. I tried to cover myself up, but he grabbed my wrists and pinned them down. _

_ "Don't hide your SEXY body from me, Clare," he sighed, "I didn't hide from you," He then played with the straps of my bra, but did not slide them off my shoulders, "We won't go that far tonight…unless you want to…" I nodded in agreement, a bit reassured that he didn't plan on taking me that far. His lips found mine again, and we kissed again, this time even more passionately. Then he broke away again, moving down to my neck. His warm breath tickled me as he began kissing my neck. _

_ "Clare," he moaned, and his tone made me shudder. Then I felt his teeth graze the skin there. "Clare," he said again, more urgently. He bit down on my neck, and then shouted, "Clare!" _

My eyelids fluttered open, and I saw Eli's face hovering above me.

"Good. You're finally awake. You were sleeping like a log,"

I yawned and stretched, squinting to adjust to the sunlight, "What time is it?"

"Five thirty. I came up here to hang out, but I found you asleep on your bed,"

"Oh, I was taking pictures for photography club, but I must have dozed off," I explained groggily.

"Why? Is photography a bore? And is there another contest?"

"No to both. It's just…we're supposed to take a picture of something from a variety of angles to make it seem…I don't know…more interesting? I decided to take a picture of this wooden bird that I painted in first grade after I found it in my closet. But I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, so I got tired and decided to sleep now,"

"Why couldn't you sleep?"

"Well, I've been having this recurring nightmare where I'm inside an empty room and can't get out and slowly drive myself insane…"

"That's weird…and this is coming from the same guy who drives a car meant for funeral processions,"

"Yeah, I know,"

"And why do you think you have those dreams?" he asked, sitting in a chair near my bed and leaning forward with his hands together between his knees. Then, he grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil on my desk, pretending to be prepared to take notes.

"Maybe…my subconscious is trying to tell me that I'm currently in a situation where…I'm trapped and I can't get out,"

"Mhm…I see," He commented, scribbling on the paper, "And how does that make you FEEL?"

"Okay, enough Eli…Hey! Is that my MATH homework you're writing on?"

He turned it over, "Hey! Whattaya know? It is!" he smirked, and I snatched it away from him and began erasing his scribbles, but then stopped.

"Hey, is this a picture of a caterpillar?" I asked.

"Not just any caterpillar…a caterpillar HOOKER!" he announced proudly.

"Okay…I think you have an obsession with caterpillar hookers,"

"At least I'm not obsessed with vampire novels…" I blushed.

"So did you have that nightmare when you were napping just then?" he questioned.

"No…"

` "Then what were you dreaming about?" I tried to recall it, and then it came flooding back to me. My face got even redder.

"Oh…umm…" I replied nervously, "…Caterpillar hookers…"

"No way!"

"Yes way!"

"I know you're lying!"

"Am not!"

"Yes you are! You're bright red!"

"I'm telling the truth!"

"Clare! I'm your boyfriend! I know these things!"

"Apparently, you don't. Because I'm being honest!"

"Was it an embarrassing dream?"

"Caterpillar hookers ARE embarrassing!"

"Was I in your dream?" I hesitated because I'm an idiot, "I WAS!" he laughed, "So what was I doing?" he asked.

"Annoying me, like you are right now," I tried to sound calm.

"Sure I was, Clare…sure I was,"

"You were!"

"Then why did I hear you MOANING in your sleep before I was about to wake you up?"

"We were NOT doing anything dirty, Eli!"

"What would make you believe that I thought that we were doing something DIRTY in your dream? I thought we were playing Chutes and Ladders! But NOW, you've given me ideas…"

"UGH!"

"Now I'm only imagining the WORST possibilities!"

"Eli!"

"Just tell me your dream, because I bet it's not half as bad as what I'm thinking now!"

"Fine…" I sighed, "It was dark…and you pushed me onto my bed…and then you started kissing me…"

"Anything else?" I hesitated again, and he reassured me, "Come on, Clare. You can tell me anything!"

"Okay…I took your shirt off, and then you took mine off…but that was IT! Honestly!"

"Miss Edwards! You little MINX! Having such inappropriate dreams!"

"Please stop," I whined, blushing more than I ever thought was possible.

He chuckled, "This is one of those times when I REALLY like the fact that you've joined the dark side,"

"This isn't funny, Eli! This is so embarrassing!" My face fell into my hands.

"No, Clare! Don't be embarrassed! It's fine!"

"No it isn't! I'm supposed to be a good girl! Who doesn't think impure thoughts or act on her inappropriate desires!"

"Who says that you're supposed to be that way?"

"My mom…Jesus Christ…"

"Okay…if they think that way, then I guess they think that they shouldn't be alive, either,"

"What do you mean? Suicide is a sin, too,"

"I didn't mean it like THAT! I mean, that's how babies are made,"

"Huh?"

"Well, you see, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much…"

"Shut UP, Eli!"

"The point is, without thoughts like that, no babies would be made and those people who are telling you not to think this way wouldn't be alive. And YOU wouldn't be alive, either,"

"True…but I'm young…"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"So I'm not ready to take care of a child!"

"Yeah, but if God didn't want you to think like that at this age, why would He have given you hormones so early?"

"Yeah, but I'm not supposed to do anything about those thoughts at this age…"

"Correction: You're not supposed to have SEX at this age. But there aren't any rules in your religion against doing OTHER things at this age, or any age at that matter, married or not,"

"But things like that LEAD to sex,"

"Not unless you're careful…"

"I don't wanna take any chances!"

"Do you think your parents spent their whole time dating and were perfectly content with kissing and nothing else?"

"Well, no…but…UGH! Stop making me question my beliefs!"

"I'm not making you do anything…you're doing it yourself!"

"But I'm not SUPPOSED to!"

"Says who?"

"My parents and…that's it! Can we just drop this?"

"Fine,"

"Thank you! Now I think you should go. You're distracting me from my photography,"

"You promised that we would hang out, so I'm not going anywhere," Eli crossed his arms and planted his feet firmly on the ground.

"Fine, but I'm just gonna ignore you,"

"We'll see about that…" he said, smirking. I looked at him quizzically for a second before sitting at my desk chair and turning back to the bird and began taking pictures again. I looked back at him, and he was simply watching me intently, his head resting on his hand while his elbow rested on his thigh.

"I thought you were ignoring me," Eli commented, trying to hide a smile.

I turned away to hide my blush, "I am," I continued to take pictures until I heard chewing. I turned around, and saw that Eli had taken the bowl of grapes that my mom had left on my desk as a snack before leaving for a church fundraiser and was popping grapes into his mouth.

"OH!" he exclaimed loudly, "These grapes are SO good!" He then began to chew very slowly, turning the grape in his mouth with his tongue, "You know, the way to say grape in pig Latin is "rape-gay". Cool, huh Clare?" I turned away, and then heard him groaning behind me about how good the grapes were. I suddenly tensed, and my eyes widened at a new feeling that I was beginning to get. Crap. Was I REALLY being turned on by Eli eating his grapes?

"Do you want some grapes, Clare? They're so JUICY!" I pursed my lips as the feeling grew stronger. I shook my head in disbelief at the situation. He kept eating loudly and it was hard to continue taking pictures.

"Gosh! It's getting hot in here! Do you have a fan or something?" I didn't answer as I continued to ignore him, "Fine! Guess I just have to TAKE MY SHIRT OFF," I heard his shirt hit the floor, and it took everything I had not to look at him. The feeling was becoming harder to bear as I heard him groaning and remembered that he was shirtless. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and turned around slowly to face him, sitting on my chair with no shirt on.

"Do you want me, Clare?" he asked smugly. I bit my lip and nodded.

"Do you wanna kiss me?" I nodded again.

"Do you wanna touch shirtless Eli?" I looked down and mumbled, "Yes…" Then I looked back at him, my eyes glazed over with want.

"Well, that's nice, but I have to go home now," He picked up his shirt and threw it back on.

"…What?"

"See ya later, Clare Bear," He winked at me as he walked toward the door, "By the way, this is for leaving me alone in the Boiler Room with a freaking BONER!" He disappeared out of my room.

"You're such a TEASE!" I shouted after him, picking a pillow up from the floor and throwing it at the door. I heard his laughter and footsteps go down the stairs and out the door. Then I turned to my bird, frustrated, and began taking pictures again. But Eli wasn't about to get away with this…

**Author's Note: **This ended…differently than expected. And now, I feel like I have to write a payback chapter. Should I? That whole italicized part was her dream, if you didn't realize that. That is probably the dirtiest thing I will EVER write. I'm sorry for any typos in any of these chapters. I don't reread my work because then I always feel like it's stupid and end up deleting it. Sorry if that whole religious part was weird. That wasn't in my original idea. I am also sorry if this story makes you uncomfortable. I don't mean to do that. I'm sorry if these notes are annoying. Review if you're craving grapes right now…haha :-D


	7. A Plan for Revenge

**Author's Note: **Ah…yes. I decided to write a payback chapter, because I feel like I can have a lot of fun with it. Teehee…I have to put my dirty mind to work for this…By the way, thank you all for reading and reviewing and all that jazz…EW…that's an expression that my MOM would use. I hate when I realize that my parents are influencing me. I DON'T wanna be like them! But seriously, thanks a bunch. Every time a get a review or anything, I feel like jumping for joy. Gosh. It's so nice and sunny again. And warm. I should go outside. My mom thinks I spend too much time on the computer. But I like writing better than moving, so I don't really care. Anyway…chapter seven…the last chapter unless I divide it into two parts…enjoy! Or hate. I don't know what you like. :D

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Degrassi. If I did,

**PICTURE PERFECT (PART SEVEN)**

The next day, before school, I caught up with Adam on the way to homeroom.

"Adam, I need your help," I told him.

"I'm NOT gonna convince Eli to make out with you," Adam warned.

"…Good…Why would you think that's what I wanted?"

"Eli told me about his…plan…that he used yesterday…"

"He PLANNED that?"

"Yeah. He was mad about the whole Boiler Room Boner thing…"

"I only left him because I felt uncomfortable!" I reasoned.

"See…that's what I would have thought! But he told me that you seduced him and then left him frustrated,"

"No, that's what HE did to ME!"

"Yeah. As payback for you doing it to him,"

"But I didn't MEAN to do that!"

"But it still happened,"

"Yeah…and I'd apologize if he asked, but I'm still upset with him,"

"For seducing you and then leaving?" he guessed.

"Exactly!"

"So what are you gonna do?"

"That's what I need help with,"

"What do you need help with?" he interrogated.

"REVENGE!" I giggled mischievously.

"Well of COURSE I'll help you! It's what he deserves after bailing on guy's night last Friday!"

"Cool…so you gotta help me come up with a plan,"

"Oooh…Saint Clare's getting crafty…"

"If I hear 'Saint Clare' one more time this week, I'm gonna flip out!" I huffed.

"…and feisty…gosh,"

"Sorry…did Eli tell you about the dream?"

"It was mentioned…"

"Yeah, well there was a lot of that Saint Clare stuff going on after I told him. By the way, I gotta tell Eli to stop telling you about that stuff…"

"Why? It's fun hearing about your embarrassment! It makes me feel less humiliated when I tell him about my strike-outs with girls!"

"That's nice, Adam…Anyway, do you have any ideas?"

"I don't know…it depends…" he said thoughtfully.

"It doesn't matter how sexual or gross they are…I wanna hear them anyway,"

"Oh…then I have PLENTY of ideas…" Then, the warning bell rang, "I have to get to homeroom, but we'll talk about ideas during English,"

"What about Eli?"

"We can just tell him that it's…girl stuff," he laughed.

"Okay…see you later!"

"Bye!" he waved as I left down the hall.

My first prank…with Adam's help, this could probably be the most hilarious experience of my life. Hehehe…

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

In English class, Adam and I were lucky to be alone. Eli had decided to skip class that day. Miss Dawes let us use the class period to finish our essays because she lost her voice and couldn't teach much.

"Okay…down to business…so how much clothing are you willing to remove?"

"ADAM! None at ALL!"

"Sorry! Guess that means strip-tease is out…"

"Why would it ever be IN?"

"Because after a while, boners are REALLY uncomfortable…so I've heard…especially with skinny jeans on…,"

"So if I kept him excited for a while…"

"With no release…"

"Wow. That's actually really GOOD revenge…but I can't be sexy,"

"Well, you have excited him before without trying, so maybe you CAN be sexy,"

"Yeah…but I'm not gonna try to be sexy,"

"So I guess pole and lap dances are out, too,"

"GOSH! What kinds of ideas are you coming UP with?"

"Ones that work…besides. You DID say that I could tell you the dirty ones, too,"

"Okay…but let's just be a BIT tamer. Okay?"

"Aww…you take the fun out of EVERYTHING!"

"Adam…"

"Okay…should I move on to the gross ideas instead?"

"Eh…why not?"

"Fill the hearse with tuna…"

"Ugh! That would be a prank to ME! I can't STAND the smell of tuna. And he takes me to school every day!"

"Right…how about putting worms in his locker?"

"I don't know…I have an odd feeling that he'd actually like that…"

"Yeah…me too…he's a weird kid, isn't he?"

"Yeah…do you have any ideas that aren't gross or sexual?"

"Yes…sneak into his house at night and delete the progress on each of his video games. Drew did that to me and I was SO pissed!"

"Good idea…almost too good. I only want him to be a little mad at me…and I want to be there when it happens, so I can be entertained…"

"You could always embarrass him in front of the English class…"

"How?"

"Make him shout, 'I won't eat food with semen!' to the whole class!" I glared at him and smacked him on the shoulder.

"DON'T speak of that!"

"Okay! Fine…gosh, you have a strong arm!"

"Got anything else?"

"There's always the hope that you can catch him doing something stupid on video…you could show it to a lot of people…" I lit up.

"Or…how about a picture?"

"That could work…"

"Excellent…" I could tell that I was smiling evilly, which made Adam uncomfortable.

"Alright, Clare. Well I'm gonna go back to my seat and work on the assignment alone. Bye!" he said nervously before briskly walking away. I just laughed. He had NO idea about what my plan was…

**Author's Note: **Wow. I was just making that up as I went, and I actually came up with a good idea at the end. Well, I guess CLARE came up with the idea, but she'd be nothing in this story without me…So anyway, it's my first cliffhanger…sorta. Unless you've already guessed what will happen. Next (and final) chapter will be posted in a matter of days…maybe even one day. So have a nice day, all of you! :D


	8. Becoming a Minx

**Author's Note: **I'm so sorry to anyone out there who actually likes this story. I haven't updated in a while because unlike that one week where I was posting almost every day, I've had a lot of school work lately, and a bunch more things to worry about (including a piano performance and a musical audition and Relay for Life and terms and getting my room redone and a research paper)So if you're pissed, I totally understand. If you don't care, I also understand. Another reason why I haven't posted is because I actually started working on it a few weeks ago, but I got partway through and read it over and realized that it sucked. I still liked the idea, I just didn't execute it properly. So now it's time to give it another go! Also, I need to know something. Do these author's notes annoy you? Because personally, I like reading author's notes because it gives me a sense of what the author is really like. But I see how they could be annoying, too, because some people are busy and just want to get to the actual story. So, if you decide to review this, tell me whether I should keep writing Author's Notes like this or if I should just write notes when I have important information. Also, I got a review for the last chapter that said that my capitalization was annoying. I would like to thank that person (who reviewed anonymously and gave me no clue as to who s/he is…not that I was planning to stalk him/her…) for giving me what I consider my first piece of constructive criticism. I capitalized certain words to show that the character put emphasis on those words, but I guess it's not good to do. I write stories to learn how to become a better writer, and I can't do that unless you tell me what I'm doing wrong. So please! I know you're all nice people, but don't be afraid to correct me or give me suggestions. I'm not asking you to insult me, but tell me your honest opinion. For example, if my capitalization annoys you, tell me. And in honor of s/he who was never named, there will be no unnecessary capitalization in this chapter. Let me know if you like it better that way.

**Disclaimer:** (I know…these annoy me, too, but I think that it's illegal not to write them. So…tough.) I don't own Degrassi. If I did, Zane would finally get the storyline of his own that he deserves. He can't spend the rest of his time on the show acting like Riley's sidekick. He deserves better. He deserves Marco. Sorry for being all weird there, but I just know that Zane and Marco would make the most adorable gay couple ever.

**Picture Perfect (Part Eight)**

**See what I did there? /\. What's different about that? Yup. No unnecessary capitalization. Okay. On to the actual story.) **

"There!" I said to myself as I stuck the last piece of tape to the wall, "Finally finished!" I had spent all of yesterday evening printing out and typing words on pictures, and had woken up extra early to get to school and tape the pictures to the walls of the English classroom. I was thinking of showing these pictures on the announcements, but I didn't want this prank to be on too big of a scale, or else I would get in trouble, not matter how sneaky I was. Luckily, I knew Miss Dawes taught art before our English class, so that meant that she wouldn't see the pictures until then, which made my plan even better.

This plan was very funny to me, and I had no idea how I came up with it. In fact, it might have been a little too funny. When I was finished, I began to wonder how Eli would react. Then I started to worry. What if he was so angry that he broke up with me and never talked to me again? What if he got back at me even worse? This prank was a little harsh, and I began to contemplate taking the pictures down. But then I decided that throwing caution to the wind was more fun. Also, he needs to learn his lesson: Don't mess with Clare Edwards. The warning bell rang, and I walked to homeroom with a huge grin on my face. This was going to be good…

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

After spending my entire first period Math class tapping my foot and squirming in my seat anxiously, the bell finally rang. I shot up out of my seat and raced down the hall with my backpack in tow, hoping to be the first one to arrive at English class. Unfortunately, Adam had beaten me there. I texted him last night telling him that my prank would happen during English, and he kept trying to guess what it was. He didn't come close, so he was almost as excited as I was to get to English. I walked in and saw him standing near the doorway, gazing around the room, speechless except for a few chuckles that he could not hold back.

"Is there something different in here or is it just me?" I asked him jokingly.

"Clare, this is epic. I would never be able to think of something as hilarious as this!" he beamed at me.

"So I wasn't a failure?"

"Far from it. Two thumbs up! I can't wait to see Miss Dawes' face. And Eli's!"

"Same here,"

We watched as the rest of our classmates slowly trickled in and reacted. Most were the same: surprise, and then laughter. But some looked around for a few seconds and then sat down without reacting, as if they were too mature to laugh about it or had seen this kind of things too many times to find humor in it. Just as the bell to start class rang, Miss Dawes walked in and everyone scrambled to their seats and stayed silent so that they would not get in trouble. Miss Dawes paused for a moment in the doorway and looked around, noticing the pictures, before continuing the walk to her desk. Her expression remained blank.

"Aww…" Adam whispered to me, "I was kind of hoping she would blow her top,"

"Yeah…but where's Eli?"

"I don't know. Maybe he had to finish a test or something?"

"I hope so…did he say anything about skipping this morning?"

"I wouldn't know. I didn't see him today,"

"Great. He's probably absent. That ruins everything! I was so stupid for ever trying to do this!" I exclaimed, frustrated.

"No Clare! It was awesome. Whether Eli is here or not, your awesomeness points have already doubled,"

"But this is revenge on him. I want him to be here when it happens!"

"Worse comes to worse…Miss Dawes will punish him tomorrow after class. That's still revenge, right?"

"I guess…but it won't be as fun…"

"I'd say this was still pretty fun,"

Then, Miss Dawes got everyone's attention and began a class discussion about foils in the short story that we were about to read. A few minutes later, Eli strolled into the classroom, and stopped in his tracks when he saw the walls of the classroom.

I guess I've kept you waiting long enough and should reveal what the pictures look like. The pictures themselves were simple. It was just that picture that I took of Eli making a silly face on our date. As for the captions, they were a lot harder to create, but a heck of a lot funnier. Why don't I give you a few examples?

The picture right next to the doorway says, "_I hire hookers…who also happen to be caterpillars,"_

A picture hanging on the chalkboard reads, "_Would you like some grapes? I'll feed them to you…with or without a shirt on,_"

A picture that I used to cover up Shakespeare's face on a poster reads, "_Don't leave me in the Boiler Room with a boner,_"

A picture that I stuck on the ceiling has the caption, "_Let's go to the cafeteria and grab some burgers with semen sauce,_"

I also put a picture on each desk, and the one on Miss Dawes' desk simply says, "_You wish you could tap this," _

"Mr. Goldsworthy! You're tardy! What's your excuse? Were you returning the tape that you borrowed from a teacher in order to hang up these pictures?" Miss Dawes was clearly trying to stay calm, but you could tell that there was a lot of hidden anger in her voice.

"I was at a doctor's appointment…but Miss Dawes, I can assure that I had nothing to do with this!" Eli defended himself. He was normally excellent at worming his way out of situations like this, but I guess I caught him off guard.

"Alright Eli. And I can assure you that you will have detention this afternoon. However, I am unsure of how many days of detention you will have in the following days,"

"But…"

"Go to the principal's office for now. You're disrupting my class,"

Eli looked like he was about to say something, but then sighed in defeat and backed out of the classroom. I caught him glance at me and I smirked and waved as he exited. Then Adam and I started laughing silently as Miss Dawes continued talking without missing a beat.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

At lunch, I sat with Adam and we explained my plan to Alli. When we were finished laughing, Alli still had a shocked look on her face.

"Okay, who are you and what have you done with my best friend?" she asked.

"It's still me, Alli. Only more fun!"

"And more rebellious, inappropriate, sneaky…" she listed.

"Well, who says that's a bad thing? You're all of those things!"

"Yeah, but…I just never expected you to do anything like this,"

"I'm full of surprises!"

Alli's eyes widened, "Speaking of surprises, I'm out. I don't wanna see how this goes down," she got up quickly and walked over to Jenna's table.

"What is she talking about?"

"Clare…look behind you!" Adam urged worriedly. I slowly turned around and there he was. And suddenly, all of the confidence and carelessness that I had shown this morning was gone. And I was terrified at what he was about to say. He stared at me and I opened my mouth, ready for a long-winded apology to come out. But before I could speak, he brought his hands together and clapped slowly.

"Bravo, Miss Edwards. A stunning display of rebellion and corruption!" He smirked, and I eyed him, puzzled at his reaction.

"Why are you clapping? Aren't you mad?"

"Not at all! I was thoroughly entertained. Very creative,"

"But…but there were embarrassing pictures of you all over the classroom! With creepy captions! And everyone thought that you put them up! That doesn't bother you?"

"Did you want it to bother me? Was this some sort of plan? For revenge on me? Because of a certain incident that happened in your room a few days ago?"

I turned to Adam, "Did you tell?" I growled.

"Well what did you expect? He's my best friend! Besides, you shouldn't be mad at me when it was all his idea!"

"What do you mean?" I turned to Eli and raised an eyebrow.

"Ever since that day when I drove you to the abandoned church to take pictures, I realized that your thoughts were beginning to become dirty. So in order to speed up the process of corrupting your mind and to show yourself that you were dirty, I came up with a plan. First, I tested your dirtiness on our date. You passed with flying colors without even knowing it," he smiled smugly, and I shot him a glare before he continued, "Then, in class, I set you up to get detention with Adam's help by getting him to say something dirty and it worked. Then, during detention, I put you in a situation that could have gotten very promiscuous, and you declined, which showed that you were fighting your thoughts. So I convinced you that your thoughts were okay, and even though you left me in a pickle…pun not intended…," I tried to hold back a giggle, "I knew that it was only a matter of time before you were comfortable with this. So when I heard about your dream, I knew it was time for me to test you again. You passed again. And the point of that test was to get you mad at me and want revenge, and Adam confirmed to me that you were going to get it. And I knew that if you got revenge in a dirty way like I pretended to get revenge on you, then you were truly a dirty girl. And you did. So now, I give you my official Medal of Corruption!" He pulled out a round piece of paper with tape on the back while humming the theme to Jurassic Park and stuck it to my shirt. It read, "_OFFICIAL MEDAL OF CORRUPTION_". In the background, there was an emblem featuring a caterpillar whose rear was in between two grapes. My eyes widened when I realized what the shape of that reminded me of.

I stared at him for a second before speaking, "I should give you an official Medal of Insanity! What kind of plan was that?"

"A plan that would give me simple proof to show you that you're dirty and there's no hiding it,"

"Yeah, but normal people don't go to these lengths to prove someone's dirtiness!"

"And normal people don't hang silly pictures of their boyfriends around a classroom with naughty captions!" I almost defended myself, but I realized that he was right.

"Fine," I sighed, "I'm dirty. Can we drop it?"

"Never! Also, you haven't gotten you dark side cookies yet!" Eli unzipped his backpack and pulled out a plate of cookies. A letter was iced onto each cookie, and they spelled out, "_WELCOME TO THE DARK SIDE"_.

"It seems like you've spent a lot of time on this plan…"

"I take the corruption of my peers very seriously," his expression was solemn and I couldn't help but laugh.

"So," I started, taking a bite out of my cookie, "You're not mad at all about the prank? Embarrassed?"

"No. It was great. Better than I expected you to do. And I've said before that I don't care what other people think, so I'm not embarrassed,"

"Did you get in trouble?"

"I have detention today, but that's it. Well, I also have to take the pictures down. When Miss Dawes came to the office after class, she told Mr. Simpson that it wasn't vandalism, so the punishment was way less severe,"

"That's good…but it also means that you'll be stuck in boring old detention…"

"Yup. All alone…"he sighed, looking at me, trying to see if I would take his hint.

"Want me to change that?"

"How? Get me out of detention?"

"Or better yet…" I trailed off and stood up.

"What are you doing?" Adam asked.

"Giving Eli company…" I stood up on my chair and looked around until I finally spotted him, "Hey Mr. Simpson!" I called out loudly, getting that same feeling of fearlessness that I had this morning with the pictures. He turned away from his conversation with Miss Oh to look at me with a confused expression on his face, "Watch this!" I yelled, jumping down from the chair. I watched his expression change to horror as I grabbed Eli by the collar of his shirt, standing him up, and brought his lips to mine. I kissed him so fervently that he almost fell backward. After a few seconds, the whole cafeteria erupted into whoops and cheers, with an especially loud and embarrassing "Ooooo!" coming from Alli. I pulled backward and gave him a light push, and he practically fell back into his chair, just as shocked as the rest of the room.

"Clare Edwards! You know there's no PDA in this school!" Mr. Simpson shouted angrily, "That's a detention!"

"Thank you!" I shouted back, smiling. He looked at me, dumbfounded, before storming out of the cafeteria. I sat down at the table, where Adam and Eli were laughing hysterically.

"Wow, Clare. You really are my dream girl," Eli chuckled in amusement, "But why don't you kiss me like that when we're alone?" I giggled, slightly embarrassed.

"I don't think anyone will be calling you 'Saint Clare' anymore!" Adam added.

That's okay. I like my other nickname better,"

"You mean 'Clare Bear'?" Adam raised his eyebrows.

"No…'minx'." I looked over at Eli and he smiled, knowing that his plan worked well, because now he knew that I was dirty, and that I was going to embrace it. And the first way that I embraced it was by proudly wearing my medal on my shirt around school for the rest of the day. I didn't even get in trouble for wearing it, because the teachers knew that if they said something about it, it would prove to their students that they had dirty minds, too. I laughed because I realized that they were just like I was before. And I was happy knowing that I would never be like that anymore.

**Author's Note: **I apologize once again for taking too long and for making that a suckish ending. When I have good ideas, I just can't make them…good…if that makes any sense at all. I hope you understood Eli's plan. It was a weird one, wasn't it? Do you know what the medal was supposed to look like? Take a guess…Anyway this story is over. Like seriously. If I write any more, it will get worse and worse and it will also get old. But I won't stop writing. I've written other stories and plan on writing more. I've got plenty more ideas. And I also found out that "rape-gay" is not the word for grape in pig Latin. It's actually "ape-gray". Yeah, I was upset, too. So yeah…bye! I love you all!


	9. Water Bottles

**Author's Note: **Surprise! Extra chapter! Why? Because I felt like it. Hope you like my random idea! :D

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Degrassi. If I did, there would be a "Degrassi Musical" mini.

**Picture Perfect (Part Nine)**

The day after my detention, I invited Eli and Adam to come over while my mom wasn't home so that we could study for our English exam, which I had been told was super hard. We were quizzing each other on vocabulary pertaining to poetry, which was supposed to be used a lot in some parts of the exam.

"Okay…Adam." I started.

"Yes?"

"What is a pastoral?"

"I don't know…a poem about God?" Adam answered uncertainly.

"Umm…not quite. It's a poem that depicts rural life in a peaceful, idealized way."

"Crap…I'm gonna fail anyway. Can we stop studying and do something fun?" he asked.

"No. I've made it my personal mission to help you do well on your exam."

"And when Clare's on a mission, that mission gets completed. No matter what." Eli chimed in, warning Adam.

"Right you are, Eli, right you are. But can you get this next question right?"

"Hit me with your best shot."

"What is a ballad?"

"A type of poem, usually with three stanzas of seven, eight, or ten lines and a shorter final stanza of four or five lines. All stanzas end with the same one-line refrain."

"Close…but that's a ballade, which is different. A ballad is a poem that tells a story similar to a folk tale or legend and often has a repeated refrain." I corrected.

"See? Even Eli's gonna fail! That means there's no hope for me! Can we refrain from studying?"

"Nope."

"Can I at least have some water? Studying makes me thirsty." Adam pouted.

"Sure. Now you two behave while I'm gone, alright?" I replied, getting up and heading for the door.

"No promises!" they shouted behind me. I smiled, shaking my head. I went to the kitchen and grabbed three bottles of water and then headed back upstairs. When I got back to the room, Adam was lying in my bed and Eli was looking inside my closet.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

Eli's head turned quickly to me, and he looked guilty. He then turned to Adam, "Dude! You were supposed to keep watch!" he shouted, throwing a pillow at him.

"Oh…right. Clare's here!" Adam notified him.

"What were you doing?" I stared at him quizzically.

"He was checking to see if you had a secret porn collection." Adam told me.

"Was not!" Eli protested.

"Then what were you doing?" I interrogated, raising an eyebrow.

"Checking your shirt size."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to buy you a shirt!"

"Then what's my shirt size?"

"Umm…I didn't have enough time to check." He replied nervously.

"What kind of shirt did you want to buy me?"

"Umm…I haven't figured it out yet."

"Oh. Well it's too bad you weren't looking for porn. Because I have a pretty nice assortment in there." I commented slyly.

"Really?"

"Yup…even some hot girl on girl action." I said lowly. Eli was taken aback, though he also seemed a bit interested, but then I started laughing, "I'm kidding! But I do know that you were looking for that. And you won't find any."  
>"I hate to cut in on this…interesting…conversation, but can I have my water now?" Adam questioned.<p>

"Sure." I replied, tossing a bottle to him.

"But just for the record, I was not looking for porn!" Eli said.

"I'm sure you weren't." I remarked sarcastically.

"Nope. He was." Adam piped up, "He wanted to see if he had anything to compete with."

"Dude, shut up." Eli bit back.

"It's okay, Eli. A lot of guys are insecure about their size." I reassured him, trying to hold back my laughter.

"I'm not insecure!"

"Then prove it!"

"How? By taking off my pants? You would like that, wouldn't you?" he asked me.

"Maybe she would, but I don't. I can't believe I'm saying this, but can we just study?" Adam questioned.

"Gladly." Eli answered. So I kept quizzing Adam. But he kept laughing randomly. I ignored it at first, but then it became too much.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Because you drink your water funny."

"What? Do not!"

"Yeah you do!"

"Eli. Do I drink water funny?"

"I wasn't paying attention to that." Eli answered, "Drink some water." So I drank for him, "Yeah, don't drink like that." He warned.

"Why not?"

"Just don't!"

"Why not?"

"Because…it looks like you're sucking a cock."

"What? Does not!"

"Yeah, it kinda does." Adam observed.

"Really?"

"Yeah. So stop doing it." Eli commented.

"Why? Does it turn you on?" I asked suggestively.

"No."

"How about now?" I put the cap on the water bottle and then stuck it in my mouth and began sliding it in and out. Then I shouted, "Oh Eli! It's too big! It won't fit! But it tastes so good!" Adam was laughing hysterically, and Eli was just staring at me, his mouth hanging open. I giggled mischievously and continued, "You like that? What if I licked it? Would you like that more? What if I swallowed it?"

Unfortunately, I did not hear the front door or even my own door open.

"Clare!" my mom yelled, "What are you doing?" I gulped and then turned around slowly, not ready to face my demise.

**Author's Note: **Wow. This story got so dirty. I don't wanna change its rating to M, so it can't get much dirtier than that. So anyway, I guess I'll be adding another chapter after this. Get ready for an angry momma. On another note, has anyone ever had Chocorooms? They're Japanese candy. They are shaped like mushrooms and the stem is made of cracker and the top is made of chocolate. They're adorable. Sorry for the randomness. But that's who I am. Stop trying to change me! Anyway, bye! :D


	10. A Surprising Conversation

**Author's Note: **Okay, I decided what's going to happen with this story. It is still not done yet. However, I will make no promises about when it will be updated. If I ever get another dirty idea, I will add to this story (because you know you're only reading this because of the dirtiness). And with my corrupted friends, I'll probably get inspiration really fast. I got the idea for the last chapter from them (even though they don't know it). So…yeah. If you actually like this completely immature humor, there will be more to come. I remember when this story was only supposed to have one chapter…haha. So much for that. :D

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Degrassi. So stop accusing me of owning it!

**Picture Perfect (Part Ten)**

"Oh…hey…mom. We're just…studying for our English final." I explained nervously.

"It didn't sound like that from downstairs! And it doesn't look like that right now!" My mom commented.

"We were…taking a break."

"Actually, Clare was demonstrating for us the correct way to perform fellatio on a male using this water bottle." Adam chimed in. He and Eli both snickered and I glared at them, while my mom stared at me like I had just set off a nuclear bomb in our house.

"Eli, Adam. I'm going to ask you to leave our house. Clare and I have to talk privately." My mother said sternly. They began to gather their things. "Move!" she shouted, and they scrambled out the door, Eli leaving behind his cell phone and Adam his flashcards. My mom and I stayed in the room silently until we heard the front door close.

"I'm so sorry, mom." I apologized, scared out of my mind. We had talked about…sex…and stuff…last year, but then I was innocent. I didn't think dirty jokes were funny, and no one told them around me. But now it was different. And I had no idea how she was going to lecture me on this, or how long I'd be grounded for. My mom paced around with her hand over her eyes and then sat down on my bed and looked down at her lap. I was afraid that this was just the calm before the storm.

"Clare…" she sighed.

"I'm sorry." I said again, "I know that was inappropriate and unexpected and uncalled for. And I swear it will never happen again…"

"It's okay, Clare." She interrupted.

"I know you're disappointed, but…wait…what did you say?"

"I said it's okay." She repeated, finally looking up at me, "and I'm not disappointed in you."

"Why wouldn't you be? I just pretended to give a blow job to a water bottle!" I blurted.

"Okay, I would prefer if you didn't use that language around me." She warned.

"Sorry." I was quiet after that.

"As I was saying…I'm not disappointed in you, Clare. You remind me a bit of how I was when I was your age."

"You laughed at sick humor, too?"

"Laughed at it? I was the one who made all of the inappropriate jokes with my friends!"

"But…didn't your mother expect you to be innocent?"

"Yes…and she was very surprised when she first caught me telling these jokes. But after she grounded me, she realized that it didn't really help. Once you're corrupted it's almost impossible to get out of it. So she told me exactly what I'm about to tell you." I groaned inwardly, but I paid attention in fear that I would get into even more trouble if I didn't.

"You're a teenager. I know that. And I know that everything around you is changing. You've traded play-dates for parties, kool-aid for coffee, and lollipops for lip gloss. And after that, it's only a matter of time before you trade your fart jokes for…well…things like you were doing with Eli and Adam. And as much as I hate to see you grow up so fast, I know that it's unavoidable. Besides, if you didn't know about this stuff, I would never get grandchildren."

"Mom!"

"Sorry. But it's true. And I know that this stuff is funny to every other kid your age. So as much as I want you to be the innocent one, I also want you to enjoy being a teenager. And that is why I am okay with this."

"That was…surprisingly open-minded of you."

"Thank you…but I still have some rules. No dirty jokes around me, your father, or teachers. I know what happened in school the other day."

"Really? I never told you."

"Why not?"

"I was afraid of getting this talk."

"Well, I get a call every time you get a detention. Twice in one week?" she raised her eyebrows.

"Sorry. Do you know why?"

"Yes…"

"Then why didn't you tell me that you knew?"

"I was having trouble believing that my seemingly innocent daughter had been corrupted."

"Don't blame me! Blame Eli!"

"Which leads me to my second rule…" Oh no. She was going to tell me that I couldn't see Eli. A wave of terror washed over me.

"…no boys in the house while I'm not home." I sighed with relief.

"No problem." I agreed.

"Good. Now finish your homework. Dinner will be ready in twenty minutes."

"Okay," she started walking out the door, "Wait, mom!" I called after her. She came back to the door.

"Yes?"

"Thanks for letting me grow up."

"No problem. But one more thing…"

"What?"

"Do you own any porn?" she asked.

"Gosh, mom! First Eli, and now you? No, I don't have any. Feel free to check my closet."

"Just checking! But I'll take your word for it."

"Good. I love you, mom."

"And I love you, even with your dirtied mind." I laughed as she went out the door.

**Author's Note: **Hooray for awkward conversations! Yeah..not that funny. But at least now her mom is accepting! I promise, next chapter will be better. Like I said, I'm bound to get an idea sometime soon. I may be a teenager, but I still love lollipops and kool-aid. I'm just a child at heart. So anyway, thanks for reading. And I'd be even more thankful if you reviewed…:D


	11. Santa Claus

**Author's Note: **Well, the next three days are gonna be pretty stressful, so I'm just relaxing with writing while I can. I just saw like, five people who were on Degrassi in Disney Channel Movies. My sister was watching "Sharpay's Fabulous Adventure" (stupidest movie ever) and suddenly, I saw Joey. And Paige! And then a few days later, I was flipping through the channels and I saw Vanessa Morgan and I was like, "Yay! A Canadian! I'll watch it!" But it was just another Disney Channel Movie called "My Babysitter's a Vampire". I watched it anyway and was so glad I did. Because I saw Griffin! He was a vampire. But best of all, I saw Peter and Manny. Cassie Steele and Jamie Johnston were the Edward and Bella in the movie's spoof of Twilight (Bloodsucker Diaries series, and the movie was called "Unbitten"). I was surprised an excited at the same time because their faces were on posters in the movie and they even made Jamie sparkle! I didn't finish watching the movie, though. I didn't feel like it. But for a Disney Channel Movie, it was going well up until that point. Probably because of the Canadians because Canadians are obviously better at everything. Sorry. I have a Canadian obsession. Why else would I watch Degrassi? Actually, Degrassi caused it. Whoa. This is a long Author's Note. Why don't I start the story? But just a warning…After you read this, you'll probably never look at Santa the same way again.

**Picture Perfect (Part Eleven) **

The next day, I had to stay after school for a photography club meeting. I showed the photos I took of the wooden bird. I had a feeling they were expecting more out of me because of that last picture, but I didn't care. I'd try harder next time. So I walked out of the school and was about to call my mom so she could pick me up, but I saw Eli and Adam sitting at a picnic table. I began to head toward them and noticed that they were arguing.

"No he's not!" Adam shouted.

"Yes he is!" Eli disagreed.

"Prove it!"

"What's going on here?" I interrupted. They both looked up at me, and Eli's lips turned up into a smirk.

"Hey, Clare. Would you like to help me prove something to Adam?" he asked.

"Prove what?"

"You don't need to know."

"That kinda makes me nervous."

"Relax. It will only take a second," he assured me, "Now all you need to do is sit in my lap and pretend that I'm Santa Claus." I saw Adam's eyes widen, but I didn't think anything of it.

"You guys are so weird! Why do you want me to do that?"

"I'm proving a point! Please do it!"

"Fine." I sighed, then walked over to him and sat in his lap, "Hello Santa."

"Alright, Clare. This time, why don't you do it like you mean it?"

"Ugh!" I groaned and stood up. Then I plastered a huge fake smile on my face and skipped over to him, placing myself in his lap, "Hi, Santa!" I greeted in a high-pitched voice.

"Much better," he complimented.

"Now do I tell you what I want for Christmas?" I asked, rolling my eyes.

"Yup."

"Okay…I want some books, a laptop case, and…to spend more time with my boyfriend." I heard Adam make a gagging noise.

"Ho ho ho!" Eli was actually really good at that laugh…which worried me a little, "Very good. Very good. I'm sure your boyfriend will love that. But you've been a very naughty girl this year, so you won't be getting any of that!" My jaw dropped.

"That's not fair! You've been just as bad. You don't deserve anything, either!"

"That is very true. But I only wanted one thing."

"And what did you want?" I raised my eyebrows quizzically.

He leaned in so his face was an inch from mine, put his arm around me, and growled, "You…legs spread." I squeaked and jumped from his lap. Adam and Eli began cracking up.

"Eli! What was that?"

"I was proving a point!" he protested.

"What was the point? That I'm afraid of being raped?"

"No! I was proving to Adam that Santa is probably a child molester."

"You were right, man. It's so true." Adam agreed between chuckles.

"I can't believe you two! Turning the hero of children everywhere into something dirty!"

"But Clare, think about it. He wants children to sit in his lap. He watches them sleep and knows when their awake. And then once a year, he sneaks into the houses of all the little children. And let's remember that Mr. and Mrs. Claus probably haven't done it in a while. So he wants action. I think he molests all the children every Christmas. And then gives them gifts in return." My eyes widened, at the fact that Eli would think this way as well as the fact that it made complete sense.

"Gosh, Eli. I…just…don't know what to do with you."

"You could sit in my lap again." He suggested.

"No. Never again. And now Christmas is tainted for me."

"You're welcome." Eli smiled. I sighed and began to walk away.

"Wait, Clare!" Eli called.

"What?"

"Don't you wanna hear about how the Easter Bunny is a terrorist?"

**Author's Note: **Yeah. That was short. But I hope you still liked it. Sorry if I ruined your childhood dreams. Anyway, review if you please! :D


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